There was no way to know back then, when we stood in front of the altar and pronounced our love for each other, what life would hold for us. Looking back through the last four years, I wouldn't change a minute.
Part of the wedding ceremony in the Orthodox church includes laying flowers at the icon of Saint Mary and praying for strength to be a good wife and mother in the image of the Blessed Mother as the priest blesses the bride with Holy Water. As we struggled to conceive, I carried a lot of guilt with me about this. Did I not pray hard enough of my wedding day? Was I too caught up in the beautiful dress, the handsome man standing next to me, and all the friends and family around me to be able to pray with the truest of intentions to become a mother one day in the image of the Blessed Mother?
I know now that this was not the case. God has had His own plan for us all along. Long before Jonathan and I ever met, He knew exactly what it would take for us to conceive our first child. It is amazing for me to look back at how carefully it really was all orchestrated. For instance, Jonathan and I made the decision to live together in New Jersey, but had seriously considered North Carolina or Ohio. We mostly chose Jersey because he already had a job here... then, the day after my second interview with my current school system, when it looked like the job was a lock for me, Jonathan lost his job. It would have been very easy at that time to decide to move back home to Ohio and have Jonathan join me out there - or stay put in North Carolina, and have Jonathan move down there. But, we chose New Jersey. As it turns out, New Jersey has laws in place that ensure insurance coverage for fertility related issues that Ohio and North Carolina do not have. Would we have been able to afford to go through IVF/ICSI if we lived anywhere other than here? I'm not so sure about that. Just one example of the way we can look back at our lives together so far and see the Lord's hand at work.
As we celebrate four years of marriage, I know just how blessed I am to call myself Jonathan's wife. Never in my life have I met such a wonderful man. I know what a tremendous husband he is, and now I am eagerly anticipating what an incredible father he will be to our son. What a lucky little boy to get to call Jonathan, "Daddy".
Thank you, Jonathan, for all that you do for me, and all that you do for Little Man already. The past four years of marriage have been amazing, and I look forward to what the next four... or forty will bring.
Beautifully written....blessings to you both!
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