The theme for this year's awareness campaign is "Don't ignore..."
Don't ignore the signs of infertility.
Don't ignore each other.
Don't ignore the pain.
Don't ignore people with infertility.
This post is hard for me to write, although I feel compelled to do so (and may be all over the place - I apologize for that now). Why is it hard? Because, while infertility has been the single most awful thing that I have had to go through in my life, causing more pain than I would care to remember, my journey brought me my sweet son. How can I hate an experience that, through it's exact timing, brought me the most wonderful gift of my life? Had we conceived any earlier, or on our own, we wouldn't have Nate.
So, you see, thinking about my own infertility is difficult for me right now. I would almost have to say that I am grateful for what I had to go through. I think it prepared me to be a better mother. It strengthened my marriage and prepared us to be better parents together. It brought me my sweet Nathaniel.
But it is not this way for so many people. I almost feel like our story does a disservice to the infertility community at large. Yes, we tried on our own for a while before seeking medical help. (It is recommended that those under 35 years old try for at least a year on their own before seeking medical assistance - that is what we did). We had five failed IUIs - so incredibly painful each time to know that it didn't work. Why did we even do so many? It was required for insurance to cover our IVF. We did IVF and got pregnant on the first try. I can't stress enough that that really is the exception, NOT the rule. So many people have to do multiple cycles of IVF in order to conceive, and many never even get pregnant in the end. So many people do not live in states with mandated infertility coverage like we do, and spend their life savings on treatments only to walk away empty handed.
Infertility is cruel and harsh and unfair. Don't ignore that fact.
Just because we are sitting here on the other side of it, with our sweet son, doesn't mean that we're "cured" or that everything is all better. Who knows if Nate will be an only child? Will we be able to conceive naturally now? (It seems everyone has a story of someone they know who had to go through IVF for their first child, but had a "surprise" after that). Will we be as fortunate and have our next IVF cycle work out for us, or will we have to endure the pain of failed cycles? I had such mixed feelings at the end of pregnancy because I wanted to meet Nathaniel so badly, but I knew that I may never get to experience being pregnant again. That was a hard thing to come to terms with.
Infertility leaves scars.
It's also important to note that there are not "levels" of infertility. It makes me sick when I see women comparing their stories and declaring that their pain is worse because they have more failed cycles, or because they went through IVF versus IUI. Infertility is infertility. Knowing that your body is not doing what it's "supposed to" and getting pregnant when it seems so easy for others is AWFUL... it doesn't matter if you were able to take a few pills to regulate ovulation and had success with that, or if you had to undergo surgery to remove your eggs and have them fertilized outside of your body, or somewhere in between - the experience is terrible and painful no matter how you slice it.
We are fortunate because the people in our life that we shared our struggle with as we were going through it did NOT ignore what we were going through. They were kind and compassionate and educated themselves. Jonathan and I know just how fully blessed we are... but there are so many people who are not as fortunate. So many people who are afraid to tell even their closest family members what they are struggling with because of the stigma attached to it. That is part of what National Infertility Awareness Week is about - to let people know the facts about infertility in order to make the journey easier for those having to endure it. The links below have more information about infertility and NIAW.
http://www.resolve.org/infertility101 (Basic understanding of the disease of infertility.)
If someone in your life is dealing with infertility, please don't ignore them, don't ignore their diagnosis, get educated and be the best support you can be for them. Jonathan and I wouldn't have gotten through our journey without the people in our lives who did that for us.
Congratulations! I know infertility is such a difficult road to travel.
ReplyDelete