Where to Start?!?

Okay, so I haven't updated this blog in regards to our IVF cycle in over a week.  Why?  One word - avoidance.

This cycle has been tough on me.  Tougher than the first.  Here's a rundown of what has gone down since I last posted about it.

Last Saturday, on our anniversary, we left Nate with his Grams and Dedo in Bayonne and went down to Cape May and Atlantic City for a little anniversary getaway.  We had a great time and it was a wonderful distraction from all the waiting to see if this cycle worked.

While we were gone, I had a great feeling that it worked.  I just KNEW.

So what did I do when we got home?  Peed on a stick.

Dumb.

We were only 6dp3dt - WAAAY too early to test.

Wake up on Monday - Test.

Negative.  Again, dumb.  Too early.  Googling showed me that SOME people got their positives 7dp3dt, but I was not one of those people.

Tuesday - woke up around 4 am.  Test.  Negative.

I was 8dp3dt - the equivalent to 6dp5dt, when I got my positive tests for Nate.

I proceeded to have an epic meltdown.  Sobbing in bed in the early hours of the morning.  Poor Jonathan.  He is my rock and he held me and made me feel like it wasn't the end of the world.  At this point, I KNEW, just as certainly as I had "KNOWN" over the weekend, that we had failed.

I spent most of Tuesday wrapping my mind around the failure.  I made a plan for how things would go with the next cycle.  I wouldn't go straight into the next cycle, but would give my body a month off before we tried again.  More acupuncture this time.  More exercise.  Less stress.

Woke up on Wednesday and had a good feeling.  I took a test and thought it was negative.  I turned on the light, squinted, and saw the lightest line ever.  So, so, so very light.  I was mostly afraid it was an evaporation line, but I let myself be happy that it might have actually worked.

Wednesday evening.  Pee on a stick again.  Get a faint, but real positive.  I'm pregnant.

Thursday morning.  Thanksgiving.  Pee again, expecting to see a progression.  Get a squinter of a line that I could BARELY make out again.  Crap.  This wasn't real.  Chemical pregnancy.

Made it through the football game at school.  Decided to pee again.  Positive test.  Still light, but way better than the test from yesterday afternoon.  Pregnant.  We hopped in the car and headed to Jonathan's aunt's house for Thanksgiving dinner.  I skipped the wine.

Beta was Friday morning.  I was out of pregnancy tests, so I didn't pee again.  Had my blood drawn and waited.

Beta - 43.  "Congratulations, you're pregnant".  Such great news!

I freaked out though, Nate's first beta was a 221.  43?!?  I was nervous.  Everything I read said that that was within the normal range, and even the doctor said that it varies from pregnancy to pregnancy, depends on when the embryo implants, and that as long as I had a good second beta, things looked good.

Saturday.  Jonathan bought me more sticks.  Got the best line so far.  Made me feel a lot better about the whole thing.

Sunday.  Nervous.

Monday.  Beta drawn at 7 am.  Nervous all day.  Finally got the call a little after 2 pm.  Beta number two came in at 280!  WOW!  That's a doubling time of 26.2 hours.  Things appear to be healthy and progressing nicely.

So, I'll stop avoiding, and I'll say it.

I'm pregnant.  Due August 8, 2014.  Nate is going to be a big brother!

I'm feeling fatigued already, and have breast soreness.  I don't have much of an appetite, but I am tending towards salty rather than sweet already, just like that time.  I'm nervous, but feeling so very blessed.  This cycle couldn't have been more different than the first cycle, and yet, here we are again... expecting a miracle in August.

I go for another beta on Wednesday, and if all looks good, then I will have an ultrasound next Wednesday or Friday.  In the meantime, I will just keep enjoying this new life growing inside me as we celebrate the Christmas season.