Just a bunch of thoughts turning around in my head right now...
Jonathan just left for Minneapolis for the week. I am very accustomed to him traveling, often for a week or two at a time, so it took me by surprise today when I got very upset leaving him at the airport. It took me a little while, but I realized that I am terrified of being alone this week. I have been so tired and nauseous lately, he has been amazing by cooking and taking care of me... how will I take care of myself this week? I logically know that I can handle it, but it still makes me nervous. More terrifying than that is the thought of what will happen if something happens to me this week... or the baby? Or Jonathan? The stakes are higher now... it's not just the two of us... that realization combined with pregnancy hormones has rendered me a bit of a mess right now, not gonna lie.
The other day, I got a call from a friend, sharing wonderful pregnancy news with me! I was so excited to hear the news and was just on cloud nine for hours after the call. Of course I am thrilled for her and her husband, and also really excited that she and I are expecting our first babies within weeks of each other. I realized that I was also excited to just feel... excited... no jealousy, no worry that it will never be my turn to get pregnant, just pure excitement at knowing that a friend is also embarking on this awesome journey! Of course, when it takes you over two years to conceive, you weather your fair share of pregnancy announcements. Some left me bitter and upset - mostly from people I was not close to, others left me excited for my friend, but still feeling sorry for myself and the journey that Jonathan and I were on. What a joy to feel just that...JOY... as a friend announced her pregnancy! :)
Today I am 8 weeks and 3 days pregnant. I don't want to wish time away, but I'm ready to get this first trimester out of the way... and the worry that is associated with it. I want to be able to share our pregnancy news freely with all of our friends and family members. I know that day will be here before I know it... or am ready for it... but it's something I definitely look forward to. I am looking forward to starting to plan the nursery and go shopping for maternity clothes and buy cute little baby things! I feel like I won't be able to do any of that until we are safely out of the first trimester.
I go to the regular OB on Friday for my first appointment. I picked up my files from our RE the other day... I think I want to make a copy of them so I have it all for reference for our next IVF cycle (assuming I still want more after carrying this one around until March!) I've tried to keep detailed records of everything, but this would be an added resource to have around. I think it would be a good idea.
Well, that's about it for random thoughts. I still owe you all a post about me and the great pee stick carnage of 2011... you will laugh at me and my neurosis, I'm sure! :)
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