Locked Down

It's time for IVF 2.0.

Jonathan and I went back to our RE in June to make a game plan, and decided that we would try another IVF cycle in October/November.  Yesterday, I went in for my cycle day three blood work and ultrasound so that we can get things moving again.  

We're going to be keeping a bit quieter about this IVF cycle.  I suppose that in some ways, there is less on the line.  We ARE parents.  We have the perfect little boy.  To some, we may seem selfish to be trying to do this again.   That being said, we know that we are ready to welcome another little one into our hearts.  Parenting Nate has been the best experience of our lives and we feel like we would be so blessed to be able to give Nate a sibling.

The great thing about blogging my way through infertility is that it gave me a fantastic outlet to get my feelings about it out there.  When I originally started this blog, I gave the URL to a limited number of friends and family, and wanted them to read it to keep them updated abut the IVF process.  I didn't want to have to explain what was going on over and over to different people.  After we got pregnant, the blog became a way to document my pregnancy and to then share the adorable details of Nathaniel's life with friends and family, near and far.  Now, twenty eight months after starting this blog, we are back to the beginning again.

I changed the settings on the blog this morning to limit it to invited readers only.  I know that there will be some friends or family who are disappointed when they attempt to read the blog and receive an error message. If they reach out to me, I will most likely grant them access to the blog so that they can continue to read the adventures of Nate.  However, for the time being, I need to guard my heart and our privacy, and keep the details locked down.

In some ways, this feels hypocritical for me.  I am not shy about infertility.  I see no shame in having gone through IVF.  When the time is right, Nathaniel will know how he came to be.  Am I doing myself or the infertility community at large as disservice by locking down my posts?  I don't think so... I hope not, anyway.  

Why blog if very few people can read it?

For me, writing is cathartic.  Being able to blog freely about what is going on inside my head as we start IVF 2.0 is the cheapest version of therapy there is!  I also want to keep a record of this chapter in our lives.  Whether we are successful or not, I want to be able to look back and remember the gory details.

Hopefully, this leads to more blogging.  I have a number of posts I would like to catch up on for posterity's sake, as well as a lot of thoughts and feelings about IVF 2.0.  

Every day holds the possibility of a miracle... and here we go again, looking for ours!