"October"

Ten years ago, I was walking across campus from my psychology class to my math class.  It was a beautiful early fall day in North Carolina.  I had only lived in the state for a few weeks and was just beginning to form friendships with the people I had met in my dorm as well as the School of Music.  As I walked across our picturesque campus, I heard two people talking about a plane hitting the World Trade Center.  I thought they were discussing a movie that they had recently seen, and I continued walking.  By the time I sat down in my math class, others were talking about this same event.  It soon became clear to me that this was no movie plot, it was happening in real time.  My friend, Lindsey, came into class and started to fill me in on what she knew, with others in our class filling in the gaps.  I recall our math professor walking in and collecting our homework before sending us on our way so we could go watch the news and call our families.

Lindsey and I stopped through the student union on our way back to my dorm to pick up some lunch. Everyone was crowded around the few televisions in the building, watching the news.  We grabbed our lunch and hurried back to my dorm room where we turned on the news and called our families.  I had forgotten my cell phone in my room that day, and my mom had been trying to reach me all morning.  Lindsey and I were both members of the UNCG Wind Ensemble, and we had not yet heard if afternoon classes were cancelled or not, so we headed off to the School of Music for our 1 pm rehearsal.  I grabbed my music and my bassoon and went into the rehearsal room.  We were, of course, all abuzz with the news of the day, and wondering if we would be staying to rehearse or if the rehearsal had been cancelled.

Our professor, John Locke, walked in just a few minutes later and took the podium.  He explained to us that his college band director had died that morning, unrelated to the events going on in New York, Pennsylvania, and Washington D.C.   He then said to us that we were lucky to be alive, and so many others no longer were, so as long as we were able to, we would make music.  He asked us to take out the piece, "October" by Eric Whitacre.  What happened next will remain burned into my memory for the rest of my life.  The Wind Ensemble didn't just play this piece, we performed it for ourselves and each other with more emotion than I even knew was possible.  I believe that Dr. Locke knew that we all needed a cathartic release for what was going on inside our heads and our hearts.  Playing "October" was, without a doubt, the most emotional and powerful musical experience that I have ever had.  Haunting and beautiful, it was an extraordinary way for a group of undergraduate and graduate musicians to express what we were experiencing.  To this day, I cannot listen to this piece of music without a perfect storm of emotions welling up inside me.

Today, we recognize that it has been ten years since the attacks.  I became emotional watching the tail end of some live memorial coverage as we flipped through the channels of the television.  I decided to sit alone for a while and listen to the UNCG Wind Ensemble's recording of "October".  The emotions that this piece of music stirs up within me are still raw.  I sobbed my eyes out as I listened to the recording.  I realized after listening to it that it was almost 10 years ago to the minute that I played it with the UNCG Wind Ensemble on that beautiful and tragic September day.  Music is my life's passion, as well as my life's work.  Ten years ago, it was also what helped me to process the fear and devastation that I felt as our country came under attack.  What a powerful and wonderful way to express emotion.  I will never forget September 11, 2001, or the way the music I played that day comforted me.