Not gonna lie...

...sometimes this just sucks.  There is no delicate way to say that, no sugar-coated words to describe it, it just SUCKS.

I have tried very hard to stay positive throughout this IVF cycle.  Some days I truly believe that I am going to be holding my baby in my arms 9 short months from now and it will be better than I ever could have imagined.

Then there are days like today.  Today I am over-analyzing every cramp, every craving, every mood change... and it's exhausting.  So. Very. Exhausting.  Couple that with the fact that I am not sleeping well at night, and you have a very drained Heather.

I hate to wish time away, but I am ready for it to be time for my blood pregnancy test.

Today I am crampy.  It's probably from the PIO shots (or so the paperwork my nurse gave me with post-op instructions on it says).  Wanna have a good laugh?  Look up the side effects for PIO - and see how many of them correlate with early pregnancy symptoms.  It's cruel.

I know this is not a happy post.  IVF isn't a happy thing.  The success rates are pretty low.  The medications are pretty crappy.  I know I'll come out on the other side of this, baby or not, a stronger person... but that doesn't do much to make me feel better now.

Mom and I are going to cook some dinner in a few minutes.  Hopefully that will succeed in perking me up.  Jonathan comes home from Vegas early tomorrow morning.  I miss him so much... hopefully having him home to lean on will make this a little easier.

Thanks for hanging in there with me folks...