Sometimes it's really hard.
I've found that women want to make their pregnancies out to be magical, wonderful, amazing times in their lives, lest they be deemed "unfit" to be a mother or "ungrateful" for their pregnancy.
I've tried to keep a sunny disposition for the most part throughout this pregnancy. There have been a few times that I had just had it... and I would't even really admit it to myself. I felt that if I admitted to myself, let alone anyone else, that being pregnant was really hard, that I would no longer be deserving of this miracle growing inside me.
But the truth of the matter is, it is REALLY hard sometimes, and I wish I had admitted that to myself earlier.
I hit my breaking point this morning and fortunately am married to the most amazing man on the planet who recognized this, let me get all of my emotions out, and made me feel whole again. Seriously, I do not know what I would do without Jonathan in my life. I'm sure I somehow survived the first 22 years of my life without him, but I don't really even remember a time before he was there for me. We've been together for seven years now and I thank God for every second of that time... but I digress...
One of the things that makes late pregnancy so hard, for me at least, is having people ask ALL. THE. TIME. if the baby is here yet. Seriously?! Do people not know me? I will be shouting it from the ROOFTOPS.... forget rooftops, I will be SKYWRITING his name and birth stats once he gets here! I promise, I will be letting people know that he is here. So why do people keep asking?!? I know I've done it to other pregnant women (Lord, forgive me) and I can't seem to remember my own motivation. Was it because I just didn't know what else to say to someone who was anxiously awaiting the arrival of their child? Who knows...
If it's not someone asking if he is here yet, it seems that people find it helpful to suggest certain days for him to be born, or, worse yet, DEMAND that he get here on/by a certain time. Jonathan and I have joked about wanting him to wait for X or get here by Y, but ya know what? We're allowed to... he's OUR kid! I'm carrying him and Jonathan is caring for me while I do, so we get to joke about that. Double standard, perhaps? But it is what it is. (Okay, there are a FEW people I can handle that comment from... but only a few and they know who they are!!)
I really, really, really hope that pregnancy brain doesn't make me forget these feelings and that I am smart enough to NEVER ask another woman if the baby is here yet, or suggest that their child arrive in time for a certain event or to accommodate my schedule.
So yeah, pregnancy isn't always easy, and I think that, as women, we need to be a little easier on ourselves and let ourselves admit this... would definitely make the whole process easier overall!
So this morning was rough, but the day has gotten steadily better... and we're still here, waiting for Little Man to arrive! :)
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